Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.
Isaiah 35:3

10 small ways to encourage your spouse:

1. Touch her in the morning, but don’t just walk away. Stay and pray. Best encouragements happen in the mornings.

2. Be the first to say “hi” and “I love you”

3. When you know he’s coming, drop the FB and greet him at the door. If you are throwing away the trash, wash first don’t just drop the trash then hug. Ok? Have a clean fun.

4. Decide in your heart to make your engagements with him/her pleasant. Avoid battle traps or blame traps. Stay positive. Overlook offensive ways.

5. Get his slippers and say “Welcome home master” (Well, just dreaming, the impossible dream).

6. Pull the chair before she sit. But make sure she’s in the chair before your leave.

7. Learn to say “Tell me more”.

8. Try not to ask him “Hows your day?” immediately when he arrives. Let him land his plane first and allow him to go thru immigration before you waive your welcome placards. Men need a landing strip. Then, say “Good evening master” (Hehehehe talaga nananaginip).

9. Prepare the water beside the bed before sleeping time.

10. Men, insert shopping money before you go to work. (Kahit mga P 150.00 pesos ok na yun).

“My husband is difficult to live with. He is a complainer. He lacks drive. He sees life “half missing” (not half just empty). Often criticises me and the world. Doesn’t say “I am sorry”. He always thinks he is correct.”

Why is this? Will I wake up tomorrow and regret my years of being with him?
What can I do?

Types of a difficult husbands: 
a. Forgetful
b. Lazy
c. Indecisive
d. Complainer
e. Hard headed

What can we do:
1. Look at your marriage contract, check if you really signed it. If yes, sorry we have to live with it. Move to point number #2.

2. Remember the day when you said “YES” to him. Remember the when he was still chasing you and making you feel like a queen. Savor the feeling. It might help you get strength. Believe again. 

3. Remember the saying “LOVE IS BLIND”. Stay blind. He was already difficult before you met him – ask his mom. Don’t try to change your spouse. That’s God’s job. Your job is to to learn Job’s character: PATIENCE and wait for His work.

4. Remember principle of IMMUNE SYSTEM. All of us have cancer cells, its just our IMMUNE SYSTEM that is keeping them in check. Healthy marriages aren’t those with zero defects, its those with the ability to fix defects. All you need now is booster shots. Try marriage boosters.

5. But if there are abuses, whether emotional financial or physical, go for professional help. That’ s not just difficult husband – that’s a SICK husband that needs intervention and help. Remember the commercial “When you are sick consult a doctor.” 

Truth: Writing this article is not that difficult at all. Whew!

PS.
I am still contemplating to write about difficult wives. May market kaya?

Ivy’s strengths are “Discipline” “Focus” “Achiever”
I am “Adaptable” “WOO” “Connectedness”

Talk about DIFFERENCES.

– I live in the moment she lives for tomorrow.
– I have 4 planners and its rarely updated. She’s got one planner and it’s always open and updated.
– I like people and their demands. It pains her when she gets interrupted by people’s needs (Because she’s building something).
– I like fire fighting. She builds to avoid fires.
– I like random ideas. She likes to build on her old ideas (until she finishes “THE PROJECT”)
– Her week looks like a straight line, mine is like an equalizer.
– I am more PEOPLE oriented. She is more PROJECT oriented.

But how do we live in harmony?
a. We respect each others gift
b. We listen
c. We celebrate and accept the uniqueness of each other’s world
d. We learn from each other

Hope you are different too.

Have you been in trouble for explaining things or have escalated the conversation into a fight because of words spoken?

“The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.”

Some ideas you might wanna try:
1. Try saying things through deliberate acts of kindness.
2. Acts of patience communicate more love than words.
3. Keep your tone down. Peace is love unspoken.
4. If you have to chose, prefer giving “benefit of the doubt” unless otherwise proven guilty.
5. Overlook! You are not a quality inspector. 
6. Apply MIranda Law: “You have the right to remain silent.”

Next time you are tempted to keep talking. STOP in the name of LOVE.

Beautiful wife is a gift but happiness in marriage is a choice.

 

“Home is where the House is”

To many, their house is not a home. Every christmas millions of people try to WISH they live in a BETTER place. They are always looking at the window and wishing for “better”: set of parents, better siblings, better income grouping, better gifts, better food, better living (Kaya ng lumipat kami sa Bicutan).

But when Jesus came, there wasn’t even a house. It was just an INN. Kaya nga “IN” si Jesus nun dumating sya. (gets? “In” ka ba?) Because he was content. His parents were happy. There was a party not because of the “house” or situation but the condition of their spirits.

God gave us a place in which we ought to stay happy, healthy and satisfied. I know we all want to go where our HEARTS lead us. But remember the heart is also faulty at times.

So, it is a choice to realign the hearts to place where we live and the people He got us STUCK with. ACCEPTANCE and LOVE is the key to make the HOUSE become a better HOME.

This christmas make your house a better HOME. Stay around instead of leaving early to meet up with your friends. Who knows how few your years will be with your parents? Take time to thank them. Say “I love you Dad/Mom”. Prepare nice food on christmas eve. Even simple ones. Start changing the feelings at home, from ordinary to extraordinary. AND START THE CONVERSATION.

What drives marital satisfaction SEX or FRIENDSHIPS? Friendships outranks physical intimacy 5x more as a contributor of marital satisfaction. Dr. Gottman encourages couples to focus on friendship building more than anything else.

 

They say that couples who are hostile towards each other are more like to develop physical ailments greater than those who are more emotionally intimate.

 

British economist Nick Powdthavee discovered that 30% increase of your spouses happiness affects your overall all outlook in life.

 

Build friendships more than anything else.

 

“Its not the lack of love, but lack of friendships that makes unhappy marriage” Nietzsche

 

You need to use your mind as well as your heart when you choose a spouse. But once you have already said “I do” – use your heart more. Stop computing.

Why I believe in families…